Wednesday, March 21, 2018

[Review] The Hurricane Heist

There's been movies about hurricanes. There's been movies about heists. But what about hurricanes AND heists? Welp, that's what The Hurricane Heist goes for, and it fails miserably.

The plot sees a super hurricane heading towards the Gulf Coast, and while most citizens are busy evacuating, a squad of crazy folks have chosen to infiltrate and rob the town's treasury. A meteorologist (played by Toby Kebbell) and a treasury agent (Maggie Grace) decide to stay behind and attempt to protect the vault. And well, the whole thing just gets dumber and dumber as it goes, blowing through like a cold and rainy slap to the face.

This thing is flooded with incoherent truck chases and shootouts in the wind and rain. Like the storm itself, it all just kind of blurs together into a big, loud, wet, metal-mashing mess. The editing is so frantic and the camerawork is so dizzying and the action sequences are so poorly rendered that the movie feels like the cinematic version of a swirly. The dialogue is horrendous too, especially this exchange: "You're gonna ruin someone's tobacco crop." / "There will be a little less cancer in the world." And then there's the guy shouting "Hell of a day!", which comes off like a half-assed ode to Mad Max: Fury Road. All the are actors resoundingly stiff and they deliver their lines with the conviction of a soggy sock. It's as if they're never sure what volume they should be yelling.

All that said, The Hurricane Heist's biggest crime is that it's boring. Time to dry off.

( 4/10 )

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