[Review] The Legend of Hercules

 It's definitely January.

After a bloated prologue involving a massive war and the birth of Alcides (Hercules), the story flashes forward 20 years to a corny lovers-in-a-lake scene with a grown up Hercules (Kellen Lutz) and princess Hebe (Gaia Weiss). The two are sabotaged by Hercule's jealous brother, Iphicles (Liam Garrigan), Hercules is banished to Egypt to compete in a series of gladiator battle-to-the-death fights, while his brother and Hebe's engagement is arranged, all in the name of the unfair justice of Greek mythology.

And well, it's definitely January. The action sequences and visual effects in The Legend of Hercules often look like the recreations in History Channel specials, but with slow-motion/pause/speedup 300-esque techniques and without as much intensity. The acting is flat, full of unconvincing projections of dull dialogue, and it's difficult to tell who is the worst offender, whether it's the cast or the script. Kellen Lutz as the lead is virtually indistinguishable and this particular Hercules persona lacks any decent characterization, much reflecting the film itself as an unoriginal and mundane mess. All of this is the recipe for a gigantic flop, and even the horses look like they wish they hadn't signed on for this one.

The rating is bumped from a 2 to a 3 for the awesome moment of unintentional hilarity near the end when Hercules has a large burst of power, breaks free from some chains, and groans like he's finally dropping that one mighty dump.

3/10